One of those things

I must be in a state of blog lethargy. I haven't felt much like writing or posting on any of my blogs. Not sure why. Maybe because I don't have anything to say that isn't just the same old mundane shit I always talk about.

I woke up this morning. I brushed my teeth, took a shower. Waited for the kid to wake up so I could give her a beautiful cherry wood jewelry box I got her for Easter.

Yawn. Dull stuff. With the exception of how fandamntastically well the Movie Madness tourney is doing life has been pretty much business as usual. Until last Thursday anyway.

I wasn't going to write about this incident because I'm trying to forget about it. But the more I try to forget it the more it preys on my mind and enters my dreams. Now I'm having problems sleeping because I keep thinking about it and worrying about it.

I thought maybe if I wrote about this thing I could get some of my fears out and they'd leave me alone so maybe I could sleep tonight.

And it's so stupid too. I feel like an eejit for letting it gnaw at me so.

So here's what happened as far as I can remember. My memory is actually quite patchy on the details I think because I was so shocked.

I was called up to the front to talk to someone who wanted to know why he was banned from the paper's forums. I remember thinking, "Oh great." and when I heard the guy's name I remember wishing the new guy hadn't gone to lunch because I wanted some kind of male presence with me when I went to talk to him. I sort of knew *of* this guy and that he was possibly a little... off. I could not have been more right.

When he saw me walk up he launched into a tirade about being banned from the forums and how he felt I was being unfair towards him. He made it nearly impossible to get a word in and as I struggled to find the words to respond to him, he got even more irate and began yelling at me. First I was struggling to remember exactly why I had banned him because, and I may not have mentioned this, it had been almost *two years* since this guy had last been allowed to post. So not only did I have to contend with crazy, screaming man, I had to contend with my memory and the more I sputtered trying to remember the more he took that as a sign I couldn't give him a valid reason. Which pissed him off even more.

I have to say, my customer service skills just went out the window with this guy. I had absolutely no idea how to respond to him. Nothing I could have said would have calmed him down. I think he came in spoiling for a fight of some kind and figured I'd make the perfect target for him to vent his spleen on.

I can't remember much of what he said. I really only remember how I felt during it which was scared. I remember looking around at circ and calssifieds for someone to please come up and help me deal with him. i think everyone up front was just as much in shock as I was. Then the Classifieds director came up and stoood mext to me, but didn't say anything. Then I *think* one of the receptionists called a special, "We've got a looney up front so all department heads get up here to handle him" code.

Next thing I knew, the publisher, and I think the company CPA were next to me telling this guy he needed to leave. From there on I don't really know what happened except from what people told me because I turned around and stumbled back to my desk with his screams echoing in my ears, trying not to cry, but not succeeding. I think someone was walking next to me telling me everything was going to be ok but I don't remember who that was.

Thank goodness most of the office was out for lunch. It really sucked trying to compose myself with everyone looking at me funny wondering what had happened to set this guy off. It was a good couple of hours after that before I could stop shaking. Someone said I should leave and get myself together and I could see the logic in that... but I was afraid to leave the building so I stayed at my desk with my head down most of the afternoon. This guy knows what I look like now as well as my real name. What if he was hanging around the back waiting for me to head to my car? What if he got my address and was waiting for me at my house? What if, what if, what if you know?

I hate this guy for making me feel so paranoid if I step outside the office or my own home. I'm sure nothing that over the top will happen, surely he's not that nuts. Maybe he got his anger out of his system and will let it go. But then again the guy seems to have been stewing over his ban for two years now - a fucking ban on some insignificant internet forums. I don't understand the obsession some people have with the paper's forums. I don't think I ever will.

Writing all of this out is helping a little though. Makes me see that what happened maybe isn't all that much of a big deal. It just seemed like it to me I guess but it's hard to explain to everyone else who wasn't there just how scary the whole thing was for me. The look in this guy's pale eyes was wild and he seemed so unpredictable. I've only seen that sort of look in a guy's eyes once before and he was completely off his head drunk.

Just after high school I was hanging out in my best friend's room at his house. I was sitting on his bed reading a Rolling Stone and he was on the floor playing Mario. We weren't having sex or even making out for that matter. He was just my friend. And he was gay. But his father I guess was abusive and that night he'd had a few. He burst into my friend's room, looked at me with thos freaked out, buggy eyes of his, called me a slut and shoved me aside as he went for his son. He proceeeded to try and beat the shit out of my friend. But my friend was holding his own. I looked up to see his mother and sister standing in the door just crying helplessly and I remember wondering why they weren't calling the MPs (this was on a military base.) I remember being rather disgusted they weren't doing anything to help my friend and when father and son fell onto the bed and their heads went through the drywall I got out of there, ran down the hall, grabbed the phone, locked myself in their pantry and called the MPs myself.

The father was arrested and my friend and I went to sleep at another friend's place after we gave our statements to the cops. But I'll never forget the way my friend's father looked when he burst into the room. The forum guy had the same freaked out look in his eyes.

Maybe that's why it scared me so much. I don't know. I really just wish I could get to sleep.