At what point do I step back from certain family members and say 'Hey, I'm a grownup now, you have to stop trying to run my life.' In theory, this should stop as soon as you move out. But I don't live in a perfect world and damnit I hate being made to feel guilty - especially when I don't even know what I did to deserve it. Grrrr. Okay, so I've spoken to my grandmother a couple of times this week, and she's been really short with me. You know how you can just detect when someone's not happy with you? I became an expert on it with my mom, the queen of silent treatments. And she must have gotten it from my grandmother because I find she's doing the same thing now. So now I get to try and rack my brain and figure out what I could have possibly done to irritate her.

Yesterday she nearly had a fit because I offered to bring a jug of milk to the Easter brunch she's having. She was telling me what we're having, and said 'blah blah blah, and juice.' I asked if she needed me to bring anything, or pick anything up for her. She said no. I said, 'Well, how about if we bring some extra milk?' And she says, 'No we are having JUICE.' and got positively petulant about it. For fuck sake it's just milk! My cousin's wife is bringing stuff, why is it okay for her to bring things and not me?

*sigh* I know it's a totally stupid thing, and I think if she hadn't been irked with me about other things (though what those other things are, I dunno) she wouldn't have had such a fit about the milk. But see how this works? When I call, she acts as if I'm putting her out because I wanted to know if she had any ideas for where I could hide my daughter's new bike. 'Oh you'll have to ask grampa.' Well, why? Doesn't she live in the same house? It just irritates the fuck out of me when she acts like this. For fuck sake, my daughter is more mature than that. It's an old story though. I grew up idolising my grandparents because, well because they always brought presents and they lived far away so I didn't see them much. Now I know why we lived far away.

I know I'm making a big deal out of nothing, and I wish I could get it in my head that I don't care if she's miffed at me. But I do care. I hate it when people are upset or mad at me, and I always want to fix it when I really should go about my life and be happy. I suppose it's this hangup that keeps me in Nebraska. but that's another rant altogether.