Sometimes, life sucks. Truly. You get lulled into a false sense of security and contentment, only to have the rug pulled out from under you when you least expect it. I do hate to prattle on about my woes. Sometimes it seems like that's all I do here. last time I got to feeling like this I ended up blogging about the positive things in my life and that made me feel better. Maybe I'll end this one like that. Right now I need to vent.

Two years ago I consolidated my student loans so that I wouldn't have to make a million different payments to different loan companies. Or so I thought. Apparently I still had one loan on the loose that has been accruing interest and no payments. Their attempts to contact me were fruitless, mainly because I refuse to call people back if, when they leave a message, they don't tell me where they are from. I also don't open mail if it doesn't say who the letter is from. I get so much junk, half of which is generic-looking and marked urgent only to open it and find out that it's only urgent I apply for their credit card. Now, loan companies are notoriously devious and sneaky and send letters in generic, non-marked envelopes, or by calling and dodging the question when I ask where they're from.

So that's my defense on why I didn't know about this loan. Anyway, I got a call this morning telling me that my loan is in default and they are about to begin garnishing my wages to the tune of $300 per month if I don't come up with $1300 now, and then make $75 payments. I cannot afford to lose $300 out of my paychecks - if that happened I'd be right back where I was when I first started my job and that's struggling to pay the rent and buy food for me and the kid. I was just getting my head above the water. So fine, the payment schedule sounds good to me and I'm fine with that, but then there is the $1300 down payment hurdle. I've just paid all the usual bills so I'm not flush - where the fuck am I going to get $1300??? No I do not have rich relatives or friends I can ask - nor would I. I've borrowed money when I was desperate from a very good friend and it felt awful. Anyway I do have options. I'm not happy about them and it might mean my xmas trip to Cali is off, and my car payment will be late next month but I can scrape up the cursed $1300. *sigh*

I went to college for 2 years and I will be paying on these fucking loans until I die. As soon as I get this thing out of default it's getting consolidated.

So now I'm bummed and feel poor again. Tonight I will toss and turn and try to add money up in my head and figure out ways to get the damn bellydancer to pay me the money she owes me. I won't get any sleep and tomorrow I'll be a wreck at work. Time to distract the brain before be methinks. Maybe I'll leave the telly on all night.

So I was going to end this on a positive note. I have many bright spots in my life right now. My grandfather is okay, my daughter is beautiful and healthy. Next week I get to go ice-skating and watch the meteor shower. I love my job and the people I work with. The summer has been abnormally mild - yes it's been damn hot but not the killer it usually is - and my AC is still working. I have good friends whom I love, my sister is thinking of going for her Master's degree, another friend of mine is going to go for his (I just think that's so impressive when people do that - if I ever get my loans paid off and become a successful web designer, I'll do it too!), my best mate's salon business is growing, and my movie site is doing well. Not too bad.. Someday, this will all be 20 years ago and when I look at shit problems like this loan thing that way, it doesn't seem so bad.