I Fall to Pieces

Isn't it weird how something as mundane as a clogged bathtub can make a girl fall completely apart?

I don't quite know what happened. One minute I'm working the plunger, the next I'm sobbing like a girl.

I mean really, what the fuck? The bathtub drain was working just fine only this morning when I took a shower. Tonight, after Shannon takes her bath suddenly it won't drain and the only thing keeping it from flooding everywhere is the little - I guess it's a backup - hole under the little flippy thing you shift up or down to hold the water in. There's a foot of water in the tub, it's cold because of course my faucet never shuts completely off no matter how hard I twist the knobs, and I can't for the life of me figure out how to get it to drain. AND when I lean forward and push slightly on the wall tiles to get a better angle for the plunger, three goddamned tiles cave inwards to reveal a natty inner wall.

So I stand back and look at my horrible bathroom and I lost it. I had a good cry. I hate this apartment so much but I can't afford to move. I hate the bathroom and it's putrid yellow tiles on ALL the walls. I don't fucking know how to do caulking! What were they thinking when they designed this shit? I hate the Brady wallpaper out in the stairwell. I hate grocery shopping and basing what I buy on what we can carry up three flights of steps. I hate that I can't see if my car's being ripped off because I can't see my car full stop.

And right now, I hate the damn non-draining bathtub.

And yeah, I'm whinging about it in a blog instead of trying to fix it. But I'm tired, frustrated, angry - angry with the tub, with life, with just everything that's bugging me right now. I figured I should stop trying to fix it before I really break something. And yeah I'll probably have to call the landlord - the same landlord I'm still waiting on to fix the glass in my shower doors that split over a year ago when Shannon slipped in the tub and fell against them.

I'm going to bed. If I drown during the night, then so be it.