Gnomewrecker

My daughter is a gnome killer.

Sounds funny, yes? It's true. She kills poor defenseless gnomes and giggles maniacally about it afterwards.

It all started with an innocuous trip to Hobby Lobby in search of posterboard. A trip to HL usually takes longer than we mean it to because they have so many pretties and I tend to get caught up mentally redecorating my place with the gorgeous lamps and sumptuous wall hangings (I have something of a lamp fetish.)

As we left, empty-handed for there was no posterboard that would suit, I spotted an aisle full of garden decorations. For some reason I was seized on the idea that it would be amusing to get one of those tacky, cheesy gnomes. So we went to see if they had any.

Big mistake. They did.

I picked the little guy up and we began laughing at it and coming up with clever places we could put it at home. It could be our guardian gnome, so to speak if we put it by the front door. Or it could sit in a corner of the living room and give us a little chuckle when we pass it. I handed it to Shannon because by now we were just getting silly (we could buy a bunch of them and spell out 'Cluck You' in the yard!)

I never should have turned my back on her.

The next sound I hear is a crack followed by the sound of shattered clay (or whatever) skittering over the shiny linoleum floor. Shannon and I stare at each other for a second - me horrified at the thought that now I HAVE to buy the thing and Shannon frozen because she can't believe she just committed gnomicide.

Amidst the giggles and guffaws we gather the little pieces that were once feet and a little red hat we laugh our way up to the cash registers though I'm still chafing at the thought of having to buy a broken gnome.

They let us off though and I didn't have to buy it. Phew! The rest of the day though was spent elaborating on scenarios in which Shannon is part of the gnome mafia and all gnomes tremble with fear when she steps into the aisle.

Oh the puns, the puns :)