I was about to go to bed but I feel so wretched I thought if I blogged I'd get it out of my system and be able to sleep. Today was a rotten day, but not for any real reason that I can pin down. I should have enjoyed it more as it was nice and rainy all day, something we've not had much of this summer. I guess it started at lunch when one of my co-workers came into the office I share with another girl. She came in, invited her to lunch and off they went. They do this a lot really. It kind of bothers me that they don't ask me if I want to go with them. They only go to the cafeteria down the hall. I don't know why it bothers me so much. I don't even like eating in the cafeteria. If I eat lunch at all I eat at my desk. Maybe they know that and just figured I'd say no anyway. But I'd still like to be asked I guess.

So anyway, I felt somewhat out of sorts when I came home. Then on TCZ one of the retired admin totally goes off on me in the BBS (bulletin board are, publicly viewed by all users) and says a few really mean-spirited things. In a thread about the pros and cons of fullscreen vs. widescreen DVDs of all places. I misinterpreted what I thought was a sarky comment he made - but to be honest I've known this guy for years and his dislike of me and paranoia where I'm concerned is well-known by most of the regulars. Anyway it's hard to explain how the whole thing escalated without giving a big background about him and I really can't be arsed. Suffice to say I explained that if he didn't mean to be sarky then fine, it was just how I interpreted it and then he posted a response that was pretty much one long personal insult that had nothing to do with the topic or the misunderstanding of the comment. I'm guessing he's had it pent up for months now and saw his chance to vent at me now that he's no longer and admin. He's always thought I've "had it in" for him for some reason. I'll admit to disliking him but I can't say I've spent any kind of time plotting ways to make him believe I'm trying to get at im whenever I can. He misinterprets my disagreements with his opinions as me getting at him.

Ohhh.. whatever. It's really too convoluted and messy to explain. I'm not trying to say I'm entirely innocent in this situation, but I don't think anything I said warranted a personal attack. But it bothered me to the point of making me feel really awful at being completely misunderstood for so long and the futility of trying to explain myself to him frustrates me. I hate it when people dislike me for invalid reasons. And of course he posts his little attack and promptly logged off without extending the courtesy of waiting around to see my reply and by the time he came back I had debated with myself and removed all of the posts. So he never saw my reply. And he got the satisfaction of goading me into deleting it. Argh. So that's totally worsened my mood and I just want to cry.