Late Night Ramble

I'm in the semi-state of boredom right now where I feel tired - that is to say, my eyes feel sleepy; that weak and tingly sensation you get from them when it's probably time to call it a night - but the rest of me feels like doing something. Anything. Watch another movie or flip on the TV. Restless. Yeah that's it. I thought if I came out in the living room and blogged for a bit I'd feel less like heading out into the night for a walk and more like going to sleep. A walk would do me good, sure but it's late at night and I don't like to leave the kid home alone this late.

My fecking computer's being a bitch tonight though so blogging's making me even more restless. I've got who knows how many spy/adware viruses on this thing and not any idea how to get rid of them short of formatting the hard drive. The stupid thing keeps switching to some kind of... invisible window or something right in the middle of typing and it's pissing me off. It's like it's trying to switch to another program that's running only when it does it, nothing is there but the window I'm working in is no longer active and if I'm not looking at the screen when I type, I go on typing until I look up and see that the past 3 or 4 sentences I've typed out aren't there. God it's really pissing me off.

Nothing like frustration and anger to wake you up.

Anyway... It's been Hayden Christiansen evening tonight. For some reason I found his work in Episode III compelling. Very dark, very angry and angst-ridden. Obviously of course, it's the character he's got to portray but I found him very raw and I liked that. I know he got a pretty bad rap for the way he played Anakin Skywalker in Episode II and I can't say I disagree with that. He was very wooden and whiny. But I chalk it up to Lucas being more interested in the effects than in directing his actors.

I rented "Life as a House" and "Shattered Glass" tonight, both starring Hayden and I was pretty impressed. Sure he was angsty and whiny in "Life" but he was supposed to be. It was how I would have liked him to play Anakin and it showed that with the right direction, he could have brought more to that role than he was able to. I'm not going to write a formal review or anything but I will say it's a movie I'd like to own. Apart from the fact that Hayden looked good as a little Mansonite goth boy with piercings everywhere, he showed a lot of range, and I hope there will be more to see from him in the future.

"Shattered Glass" was just as good in that he played the ingratiating suckup deceitful liar to the hilt. Definitely made me hate his character which I think is a sign he got the job done. The movie's about Stephan Glass who was a 'hot' writer for 'The New Republic' in the late 90s until he got caught out for lying and completely inventing over half of his stories. I saw the 60 Minutes interview with the real Stephan Glass and Hayden's portrayal was spot on.

So yeah, I'll be a Hayden fan. But really it's all about the angst. I love angsty stories, the ones that tear at you and almost make you cry out for these characters. Downfalls are especially good. Ultimately there's usually redemption or salvation of some kind and I like that. But I have some perverse interest in watching the decay first. Maybe that's why I love the movie "Thorn Birds" so much despite Rachel Ward's hideous acting. The idea of a fallen priest is compelling. Or a volatile, destructive teen so angry at the world he doesn't know which end is up. Or the tearing down of a man bent on revolutionizing the way the world regards sex simply because the 'normal' views are illogical to him (I rented Kinsey this weekend as well. Loved it.)

I don't know, maybe I'm a freak of some kind but it's the angst that grabs me. Always has.

I still don't feel tired.

Spooky's laying on my foot and it's bugging me. I hate to push her away though, it's kind of cute. But one foot is warm and squished under her while the other's kind of cold. Okay I just moved my foot away and she didn't even budge. That's good. Least someone can sleep.

Meechie called me earlier today. I've been worried about him ever since I got a wild phone call from him back at the end of last year. I don't want to talk about his personal life online because it wouldn't be right, but suffice to say I worried for him. It was probably the oddest call I've ever gotten from anyone. But we spoke today and he sounded so happy he was practically gushing. I was glad to hear the tone of his voice. It sounded so much better. He's found God and even though he was excited about that and couldn't stop himself from sharing his emotions with me in such a rushed, tumbled speech, part of me kept hoping that it wouldn't lead to him trying to 'convert' me. How selfish eh?

I love Meechie more than even he knows I think. He's been my greatest friend since 10th grade. We've been through so much together and have always stayed fairly close even though I live in Nebby and he's still in Monterey. Our lives now couldn't be more different but he'll forever be my best friend and I know he feels the same way. It's just that... well I get so uncomfortable around religious people. Always have. I don't believe. I don't have that kind of faith. I put my faith in my family and friends and it's always been enough for me. I've gone through some tough things in my life but I don't feel like I 'never would have made it if it weren't for my faith in God.' I did make it through them just fine, and pretty strong if I do say so myself. I don't feel like I need a God to believe in. It feels too much like a crutch, or something to assign blame to if things don't go right.

But that's just me.

But I'd never try to dissuade someone from their belief in God. I'm happy Meechie 'got religion' if that's what he feels he needed to get him through his own dark times. I just, I don't know, don't want to be preached at. It makes me uncomfortable. Religion, or lack of it, is too personal of a matter to try and force it on anyone. That kind of decision should be left to individuals to figure out on their own. Er, in my opinion. That's why I don't answer the door when the jehovahs or mormons come calling. Trust me, if I have questions or seek any kind of answers, I will do it in my own way, and my own time. Trying to push me into it will likely just make me shy away that much more.

I just hope I can make Meechie understand that. I don't want to lose him as a friend because that would crush me. I'm happy for him that he's found what he needed though and I'd never laugh at his decision or belittle him for it. If my Meech is happy, truly happy for once in his life, then I'm glad he's got God.

Right enough of that. I think I'm going to try and sleep now.